My Ribdiculous Reincarnation Episode 1: The Hero's Rib

Protagonist stands nervously in Shibuya, phone in hand, waiting for a first date. He clutches a 'I LOVE MOE' sign, a hopeful, awkward figure in a dog mascot suit. Seeing Moe across the street, he rushes into traffic against a red light. A delivery truck strikes him, then a meteor finishes the job, an act of almost comical overkill.

Protagonist wakes in a star-filled void, meeting a nonchalant Suit Man who speaks of death like a commute. The Suit Man, a veteran of reincarnation, boasts of his multiple lives as they drift. They arrive at a cosmic auction where souls are sold, and the Suit Man is quickly offloaded as a microscopic sludge organism. The Protagonist watches, understanding his own fate is next.

A magical seal beneath the Protagonist labels him an 'Irregular,' confusing the cosmic auctioneer and gods alike. He is sucked into a vast gacha machine, landing in a toy-like, pastel castle. A large Mascot Bird-TV leads him to a throne room where he meets a beautiful Goddess, whose majestic aura quickly fades into boredom. She manages the isekai process, overseeing the mundane flow of souls.

The Goddess displays the Protagonist's prior deaths on the Mascot Bird-TV's screen. She mocks his absurd bad luck, showing a montage of a bear attack, a gas explosion, and other calamities. The Protagonist watches his string of unfortunate events, mortified by the recap. His life was not just short; it was spectacularly cursed.

The Goddess hands the Protagonist a tablet, instructing him to choose his next life from an endless list. He eagerly searches for a 'Hero' role, but quickly discovers a 50,000-year waiting list. Even a 'Demon Lord' role requires a 27,000-year delay. He refuses the mundane options presented, growing desperate for a powerful role without the wait.

The Protagonist finds 'Hero's Rib' with an eight-year wait, a surprisingly short delay. He asks the Goddess if it means he will be part of a hero, and she vaguely confirms it. Excited by the perceived loophole, he chooses the role despite her knowing smirk. He steps into a glowing portal, imagining a glorious new life.

The Protagonist is immediately spat back out of the portal, landing in a heap on the station floor. He is disheveled and utterly defeated. The Goddess barely glances up from her tablet, noting his swift return. Scarcely any time has passed in the station, but the Protagonist has already lived and died a new life.

The Mascot Bird-TV shows the Protagonist's life as a literal rib inside a powerful Hero. He describes feeling the Hero's heartbeat and movements, a bizarre and intimate existence. He recounts the Hero's romantic encounters, a frustrated spectator to a life he could only feel, not control. The crude retro animation adds to the absurdity.

The playback shows the Hero in a fierce duel with a Rival Warrior. A powerful punch to the Hero's side ejects the Protagonist, his eleventh rib, into the air. He becomes a detached, useless fragment. Absurdly, all the ejected bones regenerate into 'Bone Heroes,' sparking a massive, chaotic war of skeletons.

After the chaotic bone war, the Protagonist finds himself a solitary bone in an empty field. He laments his pathetic, immobile existence under the night sky. A Green-haired Girl later finds him, mistaking him for a peculiar vegetable. She feeds him into a mechanical shredder, pulverizing him into dust.

Back at the station, the Protagonist complains bitterly to the Goddess about being shredded. She is unsympathetic, reminding him of his choice. She offers him an 'analog' lottery box with wooden sticks for his next reincarnation. He reluctantly draws, only for the stick to reveal his next role: a 'Hermit Crab.' He collapses in despair.